To try to describe how I have felt the past couple days would be near impossible! I am very emotional spent and have no idea how to handle this aching loneliness. I would be lying if I said I wasn't codependent and slightly selfish.....I spend all my days seeing to the needs of my two beautiful kids, but lets be honest hardly any of my needs ever get met. I don't mean in a sexual way (although being honest I wouldn't mind a little "coloring") I mean in a emotional and hugs & kisses kinda way. I am a very touchy person, I like physical contact, hugs, kisses, holding hands and not getting that is very hard for me! I knew when I married him that he was a romantic and I accept that when I would kill for a little romance! Just a surpise, sending something in the mail, or even just a letter. But if course I'll process and deal it and be just fine in a couple days! Hopefully this separation thing will be done soon! Until next time.....
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Monday, June 11, 2012
10 reasons
I spend a lot of time complaining on here so today we are gonna have a good day! Today you are gonna read about 10 reasons/ events that are memorable for me with my hubby!
1. The day I said I do! I really don't remember much about this day to be honest with you but it is the day I vowed to always love him and to never give up! (which I think is something most ppl do way too easily)
2. The day our babies were born! I have never seen him so excited!
3. His playful and loving nature to ME! (He really isn't like that with anyone but me and our kids)
4. The day of my grandmother's viewing, he drove 2 1/2 hrs after working all day out of town to be with me and then drove 2 1/2 hrs back!
5. He can always make me laugh when I'm in a bad money
6. He told me before we were married that he would never sleep on the couch! No matter if we were mad @ each other, he said it was our bed and he would always sleep in it with me
7. His need and drive to always provide for us
8. His faith in me and us! For awhile I wasn't sure we could make it, but he knew
9. Seeing him for the first time after his deployment and the first thing he does is take our son out of my hands!
And last but not least,
10. That everyday, no matter the distance, I know without a doubt his unending love for me
That is what the last almost 11have added up to. There of course is more but we'll stick to 10!
Sunday, June 10, 2012
Some days
I always miss him! Some days it feels like someone tore my heart, like it is literally breaking. We've never been apart this long, its like he is never coming back. My sweet little children are suffering as well. My son is permanently attached to me because he is afarid that I'll abandoned him too. It breaks me to see him cry after me when I leave. Now I know his daddy didn't abandon him but all he knows is that daddy isn't there at the end of the day and he love his daddy! Some days everything reminds me that I'm alone! Driving the car, getting myself and the kids ready, my baby laughing at me, my son wanting to wrestle, and my half empty bed at night! Today is one of those days!
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Have no idea
I feel so alone, so abandoned, so confused......I need this separation to be over! I can't take this loneliness much longer.
Monday, May 28, 2012
I can't even begin to imagine
Last week a friend, who was 24 weeks pregnant, had to have an emergency c-section. Long story short, the poor sweet baby didn't make it. Needless to say it was a big shock and very upsetting. As I'm sitting here looking at the sweet baby in front of me, I can't imagine how devastating it would be to lose a child especially after having that child with you for so long. To feel it move and its heartbeat .... After a certain part in your pregnancy you tend to think you are safe, that everything will be ok until its time so to have it all taken away is so far beyond my understanding! They are much stronger than me! ........which is the way I feel everytime Michael has to leave, leaving my kids seems impossible and he does it all the time. So I guess the lesson would be to always appreciate what u have!
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Only a couple more months! Hopefully!
<p>It has slowly been getting harder to do this by myself. I don't mean because of my kids because they are great! But everyday I feel like I'm getting a little sadder, a little more depressed. Many days I don't have an adult interaction except over the phone and most of the time its really lonely. I feel I am repeating myself and whining a lot and for the I am sorry! It just sucks to be alone from someone who means so much to you! His company said he will be done in August but they have changed their minds before so I can only hope he will be back soon! I need a partner in this crazy life, my love to experience all wonderfully beautiful moments that happen in my day with our amazing kids! Hurry up August!