I'm not sure how to describe what I'm about to say so I'm just going to wing it. I have never felt so much pain and confusion for something I wasn't directly involved in. My soul sister (you are the only one that reads my blog so this is pretty much to you), I have never been so happy for someone else more than I was for you that Saturday! I had prayed for you for so long! I couldn't have been happier if it was me, actually I think I was happier for you. It was so surreal. When you call that night I couldn't process it and I feel bad now for not being a better friend in your time of need. Since that night I have been so confused and angry. I can't get past the why, you are such a wonderful person and to see you so excited then crushed, it seems like a cruel thing to do to something to someone who deserves a kid. I don't know if letting you read my thoughts is going to be good for you but I had to get them out. My heart aches everyday and I don't think I could have cried anymore if it was my own loss. You are my dearest friend! You love my kids as if they are yours and I will love all your kids with everything I have. I just want you to know your pain is my pain and I'm trying very hard to help you though this. I can't wrap my heart around this and can't understand why this happened so I give it to God and do my best to be here for you! I love you friend!
I FINALLY got to read this. There are no words. You say you weren't there, but you really were. You came over to my house and watched stupid movies with me, just to see me smile, you literally guarded me away from any stupid person, and they're not so helpful words. You are my soul sister through and through. The only one I can discuss a range of topics with in one conversation. I love you my sweet friend, and the night I told you will always be one of my favorite memories of us. To see you so genuinely excited was amazing! Please don't ever think you were a bad friend for sharing your thoughts or feelings. You call me on my stuff and tell me when I am being unreasonable! I need that, and I need you!
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